2 Years Later... Interview with Aidan.

1. What is something Mommy always says to you?
"Clean up your room right now!" "Aidan, stop eating!"

2. What makes Mommy happy?
"Telling her jokes, giving her a sash" (Massage)

3. What makes Mommy sad?
"telling her lies, and having to spank my butt, and if you get food in her drink... that's all!"

4. How does Mommy make you laugh?
"Her funny face!" (hey!)

5. What was Mommy like as a child?
(insert hysterical laughter here!) "Hers liked dolls, I bet. that's a good question!"

6. How old is your Mommy?
...long pause... "that's hard! Really hard! I can't count that many on my fingers." (hmph)

7. How tall is your Mommy?
I think I know this...but you have to stand up. okay, about 45...am I right?"

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
"get a massage from me! And eating. you like to eat. laughing.. you laugh a lot. more than you eat." (This is NOT boding well for one's self-esteem!)

9. What does Mommy do when you're not around?
"well, you like to play games, clean up...I suppose that's all. And if you play games with yourself, you can't cheat at Mario."

10. If Mommy becomes famous, what will it be for?
"Hers sings beautiful!" (He does have hearing issues, folks!)

11. What is Mommy really good at?
"cleaning, that's all!"

12. What is Mommy not very good at?
"Not good at watching actions movies, because I she gets bored and plays with her phone."

13. What does Mommy do for a job?
"She does church"

14.What is Mommy favorite food?
"Salad...its always salad. There are a lot of questions about mom on here!"

15.What makes you proud of Mommy?
"Taking us to church, letting us go with Mr. Dave, what's the next chapter here?"

16. If Mommy were a cartoon character, who would she be?
"I would say a princess with a "hindness"

17. What do you and Mommy do together?
"Oh my. That would be eating food. We sit by each other. It's good."

18. How are you and Mommy the same?
"okay, we aren't. Well, I guess we both poop." (Oh wow.)

19. How are you and Mommy different?
"I make the mess, and she doesn't. "

20. How do you know Mommy loves you?
"She takes me to Cheesecake Factory for my birthday, we go to the movies, and she holds me when I am crying. Thanks makes me like her a lot. "

21. What does Mommy friends like most about your mom?
"Well, I don't know about that, but I know that they gave her some gifts, and some food the other day. She cried, and then someone gave her a credit card. It was Jesus. He's her friend. So is Derek's mom. She's pretty."

22. Where is Mommy favorite place to go?
"Hmmm...I forgot the name, they have good salads... That's all, your Honor."

Read the initial interview here!

Passionately...Waiting?

"God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. It's a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God."--Lamentations 3:25 (The MSG)

Does anyone else feel like the pairing of the verbs 'passionately' and 'waits' is a bit of an oxymoron? A bit contradictory?

In my mind, 'waiting' is like hitting the pause button on life...everything just stops, stands frozen, still, unmoving until the "waiting" is over. It can be agonizing, draining, cumbersome, anything but passionate!

As I walk though life with Christ, I have to continually throw myself at His mercies as I struggle to deal with waiting. To be honest, I feel that I have spent many years in an ugly out-and-out battle to simply...wait. I use the word "battle", meaning it in the full use of the term because I tend to adopt the "Esau-Syndrome" wanting to rebel against waiting. I wrestle with wanting to impulsively react to satisfy a short-term desire, want, or (what I deem!) a need--not even thinking that I am trading away God's blessings and His perfect plan and purpose for me. All because I just can't seem to grasp the concept of waiting. Especially when waiting stretches past a "season" and goes into years, that now stretch into what I call "desert lands"

...it is hard to remember God's timing is better than mine...His ways are higher than mine...and His understanding of my situations and that also of the world. I, to be honest, tend to revert to the Israelite's behavior as I walk through my personal "desert" in life. It is a constant struggle in my heart because I do not want to be so near-sighted that I cannot trust in the bigger plan that He has!

"Soon the people began to complain about their hardship, and the Lord heard everything they said. ... “Oh, for some meat!” they exclaimed. “We remember the fish we used to eat for free in Egypt. And we had all...we wanted!” ...[The Lord directed Moses to tell the people] "...Lord heard you when you cried, “Oh, for some meat! We were better off in Egypt!” Now the Lord will give you meat, and you will have to eat it. ...You will eat it...until you gag and are sick of it. For you have rejected the Lord, who is here among you, and you have whined to him, saying, “Why did we ever leave Egypt?”--Numbers 11:1-20 (New Living Translation)

"But it wasn't long before they forgot the whole thing, wouldn't wait to be told what to do. They only cared about pleasing themselves in that desert, provoked God with their insistent demands. He gave them exactly what they asked for— but along with it they got an empty heart..."--Psalm 106:13-15 (The Message)

YIKES!


The more I study the concept from a Christ-follower perspective of waiting, I am fully convinced it is one of the most challenging exhortations of Scripture for me. My natural progression of emotions during waiting periods, I have noticed is I tend become fidgety, fearful, frustrated, anxious, and sometimes even angry. I find myself screaming: "Am I really expected to just to...wait ...keep hitting the pause button, and just sit around twirling my thumbs until God hits the play button and gives resolution?"

My sweet Savior has listened to me beg for understanding on this subject, and recently He has laid an incredible thought on my heart:

That waiting, despite my impatience and incredible dislike for it, is a essential element in my relationship with God and how I ultimately reflect Him to others, especially my children.

"I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the Lord. Oh, the joys of those who trust the Lord"--Psalm 40:1-9 (New Living Translation)


But He doesn't stop with just promises that He will be glorified through my trials. He gives incredible promises to those of us that are waiting...waiting on Him...waiting and trusting in Him.


"He gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might He increases strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall, but those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." --Isaiah 40:29-31 (New King James Version)

This verse just fills my heart with emotion. If you have ever endured a season that seemed never-ending, I am sure you know the feelings of weariness, a dragging heart, wanting to give up, contemplation of waving the white flag. This verse is like the most pure, clean water a man dying of thirst. It is the air to a woman who can't catch her breath. It overflows with hope!

"Wait on the LORD; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the LORD!"--Psalm 27:14 (New King James Version)


My prayers have been transformed as I have gone through this quest to understand and seek the Lord in this struggle to embrace waiting. I find that instead of begging for His timing to be harried...I am begging that He will strengthen my heart. That He will give me a new song to sing, and He will never let me forget the goodness He provides for me in this desert. Not to say that I do not have days and moments when I do wrestle with feelings of hopelessness in this situation, or wondering if it will be never ending...but I must remember what the Israelites were told just as they were about to enter the Promise Land after 40-years of wondering in the desert:

"Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. ...For the LORD your God is bringing you into a good land...and you will lack nothing....Be careful that you do not forget the LORD your God...He led you through the vast and dreadful desert, that thirsty and waterless land, with its venomous snakes and scorpions. ...so that in the end it might go well with you." --Deuteronomy 8:1-11 (NIV)

God is leading me in my desert. He is near, guiding us through the tough and "waterless" waiting times in our lives. Giving us exactly what we need to survive and endure it! And the confidence to know that His promises to us will come, but all in His timing. Just as the sun rises and sets perfectly, or seasons come and go in perfect order... I love how confident David is when he wrote Psalm 130:5-6:

"I pray to God—my life a prayer— and wait for what He'll say and do. My life's on the line before God, my Lord, waiting and watching till morning, waiting and watching till morning."-- (The MSG)

One final, maybe random, thought that is massively encouraging that I discovered about the word waiting. The english word "waiting" (as in waiting on the Lord) comes from the Hebrew word "Qavah." There are several definitions to describe this word, all which I expected, except for the last definition:

(1) “look patiently”
(2) “tarry or wait”
(3) “hope, expect, look eagerly”
(4) “to bind together”

As we wait...we are not simply hitting the "pause button" on our lives, like I thought. No! Instead, God is lovingly binding Himself to us! I am a mother of 4-amazing fellas...all whom I would use a baby wrap to carry them when they were infants. So, when I hear the term "binding together," I picture the way a mother (or father) may wrap a new born child around her body to carry the child she will forever, unconditionally loves beyond description, through the day...close to her heart, safe in her arms. Isn't that a precious picture?

God knows some trials or deserts will be too much for us to endure...to long for us to travel...to heavy for us to bear. So He binds us to Him so that He can carry us through! It totally changes my perspective...the thought of God holding me close, as His child, close to His heart, safe in His arms... is all I need to hear to help me understand passionately waiting on the Lord!

"I wait quietly before God, for my victory comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will never be shaken." --Psalm 62:1-2 (New Living Translation)


"I will thank You and confide in You forever, because You have done it [delivered me and kept me safe]. I will wait on, hope in and expect in Your name, for it is good..." --Psalm 52:9 (Amplified Bible)

Eating for God--Month Two!

"But what happens when we live God's way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely."--Galatians 5:21-23


I wish there were a way that you could step into my life for a moment and experience the incredible change that continues to rock my world. As God works to refine this area of my life, He has opened my eyes to how crushing this sin was to me. I really had no idea how suffocating the box I had put myself into because I was not living as God intended. Looking back even to my first post about my struggle, I am amazed at the freedom I experience now...the peace...and the joy! I am reminded of one of my favorite verses that totally embodies what I wish describe what God has done in my heart:

"...We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that He has already thrown open His door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand—out in the wide open spaces of God's grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise."--Romans 5:1 (MSG)

Doesn't that verse just paint a beautiful picture of freedom? It stands in such a stark contrast to the verse that I identified with as I began this journey...and as I reread it, I am just overwhelmed with gratitude that Jesus is leading me further and further away from these burdens I could not stand under:

"It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: ...a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; ...paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community. I could go on..." --Galatians 5:19-20

I know you must be thinking that I am being a bit dramatic about over-eating, right? But, do you see that it wasn't the food that was the sin, which led to the life described in Galatian 5:19...it was the fact that I had put food before Christ in my life. That, of course, is the sin! So, being dramatic about food--no. Being serious about sin--YES!

"...Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it's the only way you'll get on your feet." --James 4:7 (MSG)

And true to His promises, Jesus is helping me "get on my feet!" People keep asking me what program I am following, or what my plan is...truthfully, I am praying every morning that God will just continue to help me make the right choices, and to honor Him above everything in my life. And He is! I am so excited to tell you that as of today I have lost (through God's grace!):

41 pounds!


I have never been able to lose this much before on any quest to lose weight. I have never lasted on a "diet" this long. I think it just affirms God's work in my life, and like what Galatians 5:21-23 promises God is giving to me as a gift: exuberance about life, serenity...a willingness to stick with things...a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people...loyal commitments, not needing to force this way of eating, able to marshal and direct my energies wisely.

God's Word is true...His promises are true...and in His Freedom I will live.

I'm thankful.



"So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it..." --Romans 12:1-2

Running with His Grace

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith...let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting Him, He endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now He is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. Think of all the hostility He endured from sinful people; then you won’t become weary and give up. ...No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way. ...So take a new grip with your tired hands and strengthen your weak knees. Mark out a straight path for your feet so that those who are weak and lame will not fall but become strong.

....You have not come to a physical mountain, to a place of flaming fire, darkness, gloom, and whirlwind, as the Israelites did at Mount Sinai. ...No, you have come to Mount Zion, to the city of the Living God, the heavenly Jerusalem, and to countless thousands of angels in a joyful gathering. You have come to the assembly of God’s firstborn children, whose names are written in heaven. You have come to God Himself, who is the judge over all things. You have come to the spirits of the righteous ones in heaven who have now been made perfect. You have come to Jesus, the one who mediates the new covenant between God and people, and to the sprinkled blood, which speaks of forgiveness...

Be careful that you do not refuse to listen to the One who is speaking...When God spoke from Mount Sinai his voice shook the earth, but now he makes another promise: “Once again I will shake not only the earth but the heavens also.” This means that all of creation will be shaken and removed, so that only unshakable things will remain...Since we are receiving a Kingdom that is unshakable, let us be thankful and please God by worshiping him with holy fear and awe..."

I don't think many of us cannot relate to weariness, exhaustion...maybe even a fear that a trial or a "season" may be never ending. I totally get it, and have been there many times myself. I know the crushing weight and burden of those fears...and I also understand the temptation to try to come up with a worldly solution to try to speed up or end the trial that is being suffered. Isn't it HARD to wait sometimes? Especially to wait patiently as God encourages us to do in Psalm 27:14 "Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous.Yes, wait patiently for the Lord."

But do you see the beauty of what God is saying to us in Hebrews 12... He reminds us that those who are close to Him, as well as those that are far from Him are a witness to how we are dealing with these battles. God is telling us that He doesn't want us to just crawl and drag our way through it...He says RUN the race! Run with confidence that Christ has already laid the footwork for us to come behind Him in His footsteps. God's precious Son has already run the same race, fought the same battles, endured the ultimate fight--AND WON!

Wow...being reminded of this is like taking a deep breath of His grace when I feel like I am about to suffocate.

When life is tough, it is so easy to go into our little hopeless bubbles of self, thinking no one understands, no one can relate...and we end up isolating ourselves and try to bear these burdens and trials alone. This is not God's design! It is a tool of evil. So what do we do when we feel like we are losing the race, or we just can't "run" anymore? The answer is right there in Hebrews 12:2..."we do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the Champion..." Sounds too simple to be actually work though, right? But here is the absolute truth of that statements: When we keep our eyes on Christ, we know that we, like Peter in Matthew 14, we can walk on water through the most intense storms of our lives. And when we not only can't "run" but instead we are drowning in the seas of our struggles, unable to endure the crushing waves of life...look up! Jesus is reaching His hand out to us to pull us up, to save us, to walk with us on the stormy waters! (Matthew 14:24-31)

The truth continues on to remind us that when we think we are alone and no one can understand...Christ does! He understands because He humbled Himself from the sitting at the right hand of the Creator of the heavens and earths to endure everything that we would ever struggle with, to conquer every trial.

He knows what it is to be weary,
He knows grief,
He knows betrayal,
He knows heartbreaking loneliness.
He even knows the really nasty uglies of our fallen world...
...to be beaten
...to be spit on
...to be ridiculed
...to be abandoned
...treated as if He were worthless.


He knows our pain, our hurts, our inequities...He suffered them with the knowledge that upon Him winning the battle there would be unfathomable joy, and profound peace that our broken hearts are desperately seek. He had sufferance so that we may have hope and endurance through His victory. And how blessed are we, that since we are called His, that He runs beside us in this race whispering in our hearts,

"You can do this! Keep going! You have already won because you believe in Me...I have seen the wonderful things that are on the other side of this! Keep going!"

There is such powerful hope found in John 16:31 (MSG) when Christ said:

"...The Father is with me. I've told you all this so that trusting me, you will be unshakable and assured, deeply at peace. In this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties. But take heart! I've conquered the world."

And be encouraged by God's promise of ultimate withstanding victory for you during whatever trial your are in right now:

"...but now he makes another promise: “Once again I will shake not only the earth but the heavens also.” This means that all of creation will be shaken and removed, so that only unshakable things will remain...Since we are receiving a Kingdom that is unshakable, let us be thankful and please God by worshiping him with holy fear and awe..." Hebrews 12:26-28.

Be unshakable in trials because Christ is in you...know you will endure, and you will make it through!

Stay on course of this race! Keep your focus on Jesus, and remember He is with you and you are not alone, and He is cheering you on with His promises!

"...In the same way I was with Moses, I'll be with you. I won't give up on you; I won't leave you. Strength! Courage! ...Give it everything you have, heart and soul. ...Don't get off track, either left or right, so as to make sure you get to where you're going. And don't for a minute let this Book of The Revelation be out of mind. Ponder and meditate on it day and night, making sure you practice everything written in it. Then you'll get where you're going; then you'll succeed. Haven't I commanded you? Strength! Courage! Don't be timid; don't get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take." Joshua 1:1-9 (MSG)

I pray that your heart is overflowing with encouragement and promises from His Word. We serve a God of Good. Our God is a God of Hope and Victory. Be unshakable in Him!

Leaving my Egypt...

"This is what the Lord says:
“Don’t let the wise boast in their wisdom,
or the powerful boast in their power,
or the rich boast in their riches.
But those who wish to boast
should boast in this alone:
that they truly know me and understand that I am the Lord
who demonstrates unfailing love
and who brings justice and righteousness to the earth,
and that I delight in these things.
I, the Lord, have spoken!"
--Jeremiah 9:23-24


I am wrapping up 6 weeks of battling an ugly sin that reared it's head in my life. If you are interested (or really bored!) in reading the whole story, you can start here
and then continue to read how God continues to refine and heal me as I get serious about sin here and here.

At the risk of sounding repetitive (okay, I am!), God continues to blow my mind every time I step on the scale and see the numbers decreasing. It is crazy-hard to try and wrap my brain around the fact that I put food in place of my Savior, and not only does He forgive me, and comes to my rescue in this battle...but he blesses me on top of everything! Every time I step on the scale, I truly feel incredibly humbled and undeserving...and mostly overwhelmed with gratitude that God loves me even in my betrayal to Him and His place in my life.

One of the biggest things I have learned over these past few weeks as God draws me closer to Him, is that I chose this sin. I liked it....loved it, in fact. But Satan takes these little "cherished" sins that we maintain (choose to keep, or not acknowledge) in our life...sins that we think that we can control...sins that we think we can choose to "stop anytime we want"...the fact for me is that I realized I was not in control of it at all. It controlled me! I was, in fact, a slave to this sin. Praise the Lord, no kidding, that He is leading me out of this grip that sin has on my life! I love Deuteronomy 7:7-9 and how it speaks into my life (my inserts):


"God wasn't attracted to [me] and didn't choose [me] because [I was] big and important—the fact is, there was almost nothing to [me]. He did it out of sheer love, keeping the promise he made to [me]... God stepped in and mightily bought [me] back out of that world of slavery, freed [me] from the iron grip of Pharaoh king of Egypt. Know this: God, [my] God, is God indeed, a God [I] can depend upon. He keeps his covenant of loyal love with those who love him and observe his commandments..."


Just even typing that verse encourages my heart! And I am excited to share that as of this morning, I have lost 29 pounds! (Editors note: In my mind, I picture confetti and balloons falling from the ceiling!). I am excited about what God is doing in my life! I will tell you it is ALL God's workmanship. As the weight continues to come off, there have been some sweet friends that have noticed the subtle changes...and truthfully, I love to hear the encouragement! But I also have to stand guard that I do not, for one moment, boast on my own accord--because then I am not honoring God. I am working to honor God with my eating...and what I am not eating...but I also have to ensure that I honor God and give Him all of His glory.

"We have heard of Moab's pride—
her overweening pride and conceit,
her pride and her insolence—
but her boasts are empty."
--Isaiah 16:6-7


"My soul will boast in the LORD; let the afflicted hear and rejoice."--Psalm 34:2

Eating for God--One month!

Okay, so I wrapped up a full month of eating for God. On a side note, I refuse to call what I am doing dieting. Refuse. When we diet, the goal is to lose weight.... In my case, that is not my goal (but a sweet blessing!), my desire is to honor and worship God by how and what I eat.

I will just tell you that this has been an amazing experience for me. The ravenous cravings are gone, and lack of control is healing. God is doing a miraculous work in me, and I cannot help but think of a Psalms that David wrote:


“O Lord,” I prayed, “have mercy on me. Heal me, for I have sinned against you.” Psalm 41:4

I know I have mentioned before, but allow me to reiterate one beautiful fact that sings in my heart everyday: The way that I desired food, the way I used food as comfort, the way I placed the importance of food in my life over Christ, I ignored the fact that I made food a trinket-god before the Holy One. (hello, first commandment, anyone?!) I confessed this to my Father, and amazingly, the One who created life--the One who commands the universe, the One who is to be greatly praised--not only forgave me, but is tenderly helping me overcome this struggle so I can honor Him. And not only is He helping me overcome this battle with food, but he blesses me in the process! I am so undeserving! It makes me laugh with pure astonishment when I see the pounds falling off! It is almost like a physical way to show a small portion of what He is doing in my heart.

So are you ready to hear the total weight lost these past 4-weeks?

24-pounds! (Little editor's note here: I so wanted to type 25 here...but I can't push myself to lose weight, because then I am focusing on the weight loss, and just replacing that as a trinket-god. I am really trying to guard against that!)

Whenever I start to even try to grasp this blessing, or even the fact that I am worthy of a blessing in this situation, I just CAN'T! But I love how God is a God of GOOD...and He desires good for us.

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." --Psalm 37:4

Now, of course, don't get me wrong... I will honestly tell you that I have had two incidences where I stumbled. One was not so much what I ate...but how I ate it. I did not eat in a way that honored God at all. Which makes me go back to my point that I made at the beginning of this blog...if I were dieting...I would have not done a thing wrong! I was fine with my caloric intake, it was very healthy (tuna and half and avocado), but I knew that my heart was not in the right spot while I was eating the food. I was eating almost in a state of panic because I was hungry and was afraid that I would end up bingeing. But do you see the two emotions that I was feeding and running from? Panic and Fear. Neither of those emotions show a confidence that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." What I did in that moment is I did not put these emotions before the Lord...I tried to handle it myself. I took the hope that I have in Christ to help me in that situation, and tried to put a humanly fix on what only God can heal.

"Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge. Selah" --Psalm 62:8-10

I am so humbled by God's care for me in this journey. What an amazing God we serve!

"If you wake me each morning with the sound of Your loving voice, I'll go to sleep each night trusting in You. Point out the road I must travel; I'm all ears, all eyes before You. Save me from my enemies, God— You're my only hope! Teach me how to live to please You, because You're my God. Lead me by Your blessed Spirit..."
--Psalm 143:8-10 (The Message)

Leaving My Egypt--Day 10!

Oh my goodness...what a crazy 10 days it has been!

I have lost (drumroll please!) 14 pounds! What so funny about it, is weight loss has not even my focus...I am really just trying to worship God in every area of my life--even in my eating...or in my case, worship Him in what I am NOT eating! I have already felt closer to Christ, my prayer life is growing (which I LOVE), and I just feel like God is just SO close. It's incredible. The transformation in my heart has been surreal. I am so calm around food, and I feel so in control. I mean, I know that I am not in control (hate to state the obvious there!), it is totally Christ's strength. It takes Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" ring so true in my life. It has always been so easy for me to "sneak or cheat" on a diet, but now that I am dealing with the root of my problem (which is sin, not my eating OR my weight)...it makes it much harder to justify sneaking or cheating on God!

It is crazy that I struggle this much with eating!

It's hard to talk about sometimes because it is embarrassing, but the more and more I talk about it, the more people are coming up to me or calling me saying that this is them too. I must have spoken to at least 10 different women this week alone about this problem (food before God, body image, etc). I feel like it just, again, proves that this is a subject that so many women struggle with, but yet, no one wants to talk about because of the shame, embarrassment, feeling like they are the only one. So I figure I am going to talk about it! Now, please understand before I go any further, I am NOT saying that anyone who is overweight or struggles with body image issues is a sinner, NOT AT ALL... I am just sharing how this became a sin for me. In fact, I had an interesting conversation with a sweet friend this week, and she said that she had never thought about food being a sin. I had to explain it's not that FOOD is a sin...it became a sin FOR ME because it was replacing God's priority in my life. I was focusing WAY too much on what I would eat, when I would eat...and then I would counter with focusing on my weight issues, whatever diet I was on, or just being angry at myself for how I look: THAT's when it became a sin for me. And because I was not dealing with the root of my sin (or my problem, as I called it before I realized the correlation it had in my walk with Christ) I was always looking for a fix, or a solution...and then those "solutions" (like crazy diets) would then become my priority and obsession...which, honestly, just replaced the object of my sin with something else. Whatever we place before God is not right...even if it is something we think is perfectly innocent. The innocence in lost when we place it at a higher priority than Christ in our lives. The only obsession I want is a crazy-obsession for Christ...and only Christ.

For the most part this has been the easiest time in my life I have ever had not eating food. I have had moment these past few days where I have thought I wanted to just EAT... whatever I want, however much I want. Eat in an ugly way that would put my love for food over my love for God. I desperately do not ever, ever want to do that again. Especially since I have confessed and come to grips with the fact that I have placed food over God...that my sweet, precious Savior, the One who I have let down is not letting me down. He has not only forgiven me for putting something as stupid as food over Him, but in His Great Compassion, He HELPS ME to stop. It makes me want to weep every time I think about it. Through prayer and submission in those crazy-momentary anxieties, He helps me through! I am also SO, SO blessed to have amazing friends that I can text and beg for prayer in those tough moments. They don't ever trivialize it, or ever let me feel I am being dramatic over a silly bag of chips, or the fact that I cannot stop thinking about macaroni and cheese... Instead, they pray. I feel their prayers. I feel His peace.

God is SO great... He doesn't beat me down for my failures...but He sets me up for success through His grace and mercy. He is my Savior, and I am blessed.

My UGLY Truth

"So let God work his will in you. Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet yes to God and he'll be there in no time. Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it's the only way you'll get on your feet." James 4:10

Whew. This is a tough one to even begin to type. It was hard to even say out loud and confess this to friends today. I have allowed myself to keep an ugly sin in my heart. In fact, I would even say that I cherish this sin--I don't really want to let go of it.

I love to eat. And I eat all the time. When I am happy, sad, lonely, tired, stressed, you name the main course of emotion, and I will tell you the food that I will have on the side.

I have gotten to the point that I run to food first before I even contemplate taking an issue to God. Or I will be heavy in prayer with something, while I feed my emotions with food without even giving God that chance. It is incredibly humbling to admit this...because it is just ugly.

Actually today, I had to confess that this is actually a major sin in my life. And it was really hard to verbalize those words out loud. I would even venture to say that if I analyzed this issue with a doctor or psychiatrist, they would probably say that I have an (over)eating disorder--but in God's grace to me--I know He showed me that FOR ME this is a heart disorder. This is an area in my life that I cherish the sin. To be honest, for years, I have made the choice to harden my heart to Christ in that area of my life.

I am in a mode of life that when I feel ANY sort of emotion-whether is be good, bad, tired, or overwhelmed--whatever!--I eat. And I totally eat in secret, alone and very rarely in front of people. (this is me being Eve trying to cover my sin with a fig leaf--as IF that is going to really cover anything at all!) I run to food FIRST versus running to Christ first. And a hard truth I had to confess this morning, and I don't even honestly want to type, is that in my relationship with Christ, I desire to boldly to say, "I love Jesus more than anything." But it is a lie because the ugliness of it all is I love food more than I love Jesus right now. That totally kills me to see that written out! So that is my bottom, as James 4:10 talks about: that sentence I just typed. I am sad and disappointed that I have not given my whole life over to Christ. The frustrating thing too, is that God has called me for some BIG things...filled my heart with that passion...(Almost to the point of driving me crazy!) but I know that He has not allowed it to be yet BECAUSE of my lack of full-surrender.

Galatians 5:19-23 screamed at my heart this week:

"It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage (ME!); frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness (ME!); trinket gods (FOOD FOR ME!); magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness (ME WHEN I REFUSE TO EAT IN FRONT OF OTHERS); cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants (FOOD!); a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved (MY INSECURITIES WITH MY WEIGHT/LOOKS); divided homes and divided lives (I GIVE MY LIFE TO CHRIST, AND YET ALSO AM LOYAL TO MY FOOD ISSUES); small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions (HELLO--ME AGAIN!); ugly parodies of community. I could go on. This isn't the first time I have warned you, you know. If you use your freedom this way, you will not inherit God's kingdom."

(AND HERE IS MY HOPE:)

"But what happens when we live God's way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely."

Whew. Talk about being brutally honest. So my heart prayer is now that I have confessed this...that God will breakdown this area in my life and let me fully surrender to Him. My heart is to serve Him everyday, but I need to stop feeding this sin in my life first.

I know I am not the only one either. I truly feel (and this is a big statement!) that this is an area that is SO cliche to speak to women about...so sensitive...and most women don't want to hear it. (I know I don't want to hear about it because I feel the huge blinking arrow over my head!) I feel that this is like porn for men. (I know that is a big comparison)! But for years and years, the church did not really touch this subject when speaking to men. I think we (as the church) knew OF the problem...but not the number of men that struggled with it. I think the "Food instead of God" issue is just as big, if not bigger for women. It's hard to talk about...I feel ashamed, and just plain gross about it.

My desire is not to lose weight (great if happens) or to fit into certain jeans, or even, honestly, for my physical heart to be healthy. My desire is that my heart (in terms of my relationship with my Savior) will be healthy, strong, and trimmed of unneeded fat (which is sin). I am praying that God will just honor that. I am at the point of having to pray before every meal, pray with every bite I take that God will help me stop when I need to stop...and not start when I need to turn to Him.

So I totally just laid all of this out there! I know some of you are questioning why bare my soul and sin? Here is why:

"Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed. The prayer of a person living right with God is something powerful to be reckoned with. Elijah, for instance, human just like us, prayed hard that it wouldn't rain, and it didn't—not a drop for three and a half years. Then he prayed that it would rain, and it did. The showers came and everything started growing again." James 5:16

I have confessed to Christ...and now I am publicly confessing, so I can have the honor of your prayers through this battle of sin in my heart. It seems silly to ask for prayers to stop eating--but really my prayer is the God will be my priority on everything I do--including my eating. That I will NOT continue to allow anything to be a barrier to what Christ can do in my life and in my heart. I want to serve God, I want to lead others to Him, I want to live passionately in Christ, and a life above reproach. And just like James 4 says...I am getting serious, really serious...by putting this all "out there" I am also humbling myself so I can be held accountable.

I am excited about what God is going to do...and seriously appreciate your prayers.

What Jesus Does for Me...

...He takes the shattered pieces of my life and makes a beautiful mosaic with His grace.

...He turns my cries of pain into tears of joy.

...He turns the water of numbness in my heart to the wine of His love.

...He takes burdens that are crushing my soul and carries them for me.

...He parted the Red Sea in my life when I had no where else to turn.

...He promises me not only will my boys be okay--they will soar with the eagles.

...He gives me hope when the world says I have none.

...He makes a tomorrow for me when I thought I could not make it another day.

...He pulled me up when I was drowning.

...He allows me to walk on water with Him through my storms of life.

...He saved me from the grips of eternal death and gives me the promise of eternal life.

...He took my empty cup of loneliness and sadness and makes it overflow with joy and laughter.

...He took my feelings of worthlessness and called me His daughter.

...He tells me I can stop seeking, because He has already found me.

...He shuts the mouth to the Lion of Depression. I know it is there, but I also I know it will not devour me.

...He breathed laughter into my Noah....and I am so thankful.

...He shields my children from the flaming arrows of hurt and rejection.

...He carefully put us into a family that embraces us.

...He lets me stand in the wide open spaces of His grace when I am suffocating in my box of selfishness.

...He heals me...not in a way the the world would say is healed, but so much better.

...He takes my breath away with His kindness when I could not breath because of sadness.

...He forgives me when I should not be forgiven.

...He builds beauty from the ashes left from the fires of my sins.

...He is the Light in my darkness.

...He gives me purpose in everything.

...He gives me everything that I do not deserve.

...He does not give me what I do deserve.

...He said, "Take me instead."

THIS is what Jesus does for me.

Beyond Thankful

So I am having a hard time even beginning to type this blog. I am truly without words...but overflowing with tears...

I am just overwhelmed at the profound love my children and I were shown today. Psalm 68:6 just keeps running in my head over and over as I try to wrap my brain around the events that have transpired. "God places the lonely in families; he sets the prisoners free and gives them joy." I know it is kind of an odd verse to be thinking of in this moment of sheer gratitude, but really it is not, and here is why: This church...Keystone Church...is, without doubt family to me. I was just telling a sweet friend of mine, that every weekend when I am in the building, I feel that I am surrounded by people that I absolutely love, and who love me back. I just think back six and seven years ago to how incredibly lonely I was! Please believe me when I say that I am not trying to make a sob story here...I just want you to be able to see my heart journey and WHY I am totally touched beyond description. Now onto the blessing of blessings...

Yesterday was such an awesome day for the boys and me. We were still excited about being able to participate in a God-given opportunity to bless an amazing family. I was excited, as a mother, that my children were able to really experience the JOY of giving to others, and the lessons it entailed. A wonderful friend called me and asked if she could stop by our house--after fair warning of my lack of make-up and that my boys tend to run around in underwear--I was excited to see her! She arrived with a Christmas tree and ornaments! We were pumped! When we moved this year, we had to get rid of a lot of things...and our tree was one of the first to go. So, how excited were we to have a beautiful tree now decorating our home! I was touched, really.

To be honest, I have not done anything for Christmas... The boys and I are in such an amazing place this year, especially compared to last year. This time last year, we were ALL struggling with heavy burdens. Struggling, honestly, to feel joy. God has been amazing in His love, compassion and teachings to us through out this crazy year to each of us. And through some really tough times, oddly enough, the boys and I have found total joy. Total happiness. Total contentment. So much so, that honestly, I just did not feel anxious about Christmas. Every time I thought about it, I just had a feeling in my heart that God has the boys and I exactly where we need to be, and I am just simply thankful for that! Each of us is so happy to be able to be back at Keystone, and back with our familyfriends...that I just could not think of anything beyond that!

The boys and I did our family devotional by the Christmas tree this morning, and as I was finishing up, I had the most ridiculous thought to check the front door. Weird, I know. I was thinking that too as I peeped through the peep hole. AND SURE ENOUGH there were two large bags on the porch! I was SHOCKED to see a new outfit for me, and brand-new Nike shoes for each of the boys, complete with socks. (Let me just pause right here and let you know, that who ever did this must really know how much I value shoes for my kids. I am not kidding at all. And to send SOCKS too...you are a true friend who knows me really well! If you have ever struggled financially, you know that shoes are a big source of worry!) The boys laughed and were so excited because "magically" they could all run super fast with the new shoes. (Don't you just love the way that works!) Sweet Caleb (my minister-in-training) comes back a few minutes later with a huge grin on his face and says,

"I feel so blessed...I know God does this so we will bless others."

Thus began my sob-filled day!

A few hours later, I remembered I had to put something in the car, and I walk out my front door to see a lovely white gift bag! Why hello! I was thrilled, and humored, to see the bag filled with Bath and Body Works "Stress Relief" lotions and potions! I LOVED it! I giggled and felt very loved and special. What a fun day this was turning out to be...

About an hour later, the door bell rings...of course, in my house that is code for "Elephant stampede to the front door." I hurdle over the boys (remember that I happen to be very competitive!) and open the door to see the faces of my VERY dear heart friends. I really do not have words for what I was thinking because I don't think I was thinking. The next few minutes are a blur in my mind. I guess I was trying to figure out if this was an intervention for my movie theater popcorn habit or something. I just know that all of a sudden my friends are putting gifts under our "blessing tree" (Editors note: the tears are flowing again as I think about these next few moments.). The boys are excited and one of my sweet friends says they want to show me something outside. I follow them out, and one of them is explaining they have a gift from my friends at Keystone. She opens her car to reveal a basketball goal for my boys. I lost it. I sobbed. I wish I could tell you how it makes me feel to know that my children are loved at this church. Not only are they loved but VALUED. What a thoughtful, caring gift for my children. They have had a tough, tough year...and honestly, I feel have experienced rejection more than they should at their little ages. It has always been a very sore, bruised spot in my heart. And to know that not only have they not been rejected...but embraced, and loved and and CARED for...I just can not explain how overcome with emotion I am. I am so excited to see them play with this over the years and know it was such a gift of love!

My sweet friends, then explained that they have arranged a Girl's Night for me! YIPPEEE! I am beyond thrilled!! Bless their hearts, I know they said other things to me before they left...but I was still crying about the gift for the boys, and still in shock! I do remember that they encouraged me to look through the basket that was made for me...

I went back inside and shared a sweet moment with the boys as we looked at the gifts under our tree. It was awesome. I know I thought, "It just does not get any better than this!" Now in reflection, I have to wonder if God sort of chuckled at that moment...as I began to look at the basket I was FLOORED by the number of gift cards and monetary gifts. FLOORED. I wept to see some of the names of those involved with this blessing to our family. And when I say 'wept,' please know I do not use that word lightly! I was crying SO hard that my little Shimmy (Jimmy, my 3 year old) kept coming over to console me! I think I scared him!

I am just so thankful. I am thankful for this family of believers...I am thankful that you love my children. I am so beyond blessed by each of you. Truly, truly from my heart and the center of who I am THANK YOU.

My eyes are beginning to swell shut because of the tears... Good night for now!

"God places the lonely in families; he sets the prisoners free and gives them joy."

Excuse me, please

Somehow I have messed with my blog, and cannot figure out how to make it presentable again...so please excuse the mess. :o)

What to REALLY register for when you are having a baby boy

Okay, ladies. Time to get serious here! SO many of my friends are expecting, and I am getting baby shower invitations like crazy. Of course along with the invitation I also receive the glorified registry information. Being the nosey person that I am, I always love checking out what moms-to-be have registered for... And I scroll through page after page of cute blankets, the latest bottles, the strollers, I always find myself thinking, "Oh, if they only knew..."

So, TODAY is your lucky day! As a slightly insane mother of four boys, I am going to share with you what you SHOULD register for as soon as you find out you are having a boy.

1. An industrial-strength gas mask. Need I explain this? I think not...

2. Food. Lots of food--as if you were stocking up for the next Y2K. Give your sweet little bundle of joy a few years, and he will soon eat you out of house and home! Stock up now, otherwise you will NEVER have a chance of EVER having a full pantry. EVEEEEER!!!!

3. A Mega-Phone...

4. ... and one that attaches to a machine with the following recorded phrases: Stop it. No. Sit Down. No. I said No. and the most important phrase: AIM INTO THE BOWL!!!

5. Bleach. I know there are probably a few of my environmentally-friendly moms who would protest the use of this chemical, but, TRUST ME, what we are bleaching helps keep the phrase "Skid Marks" as a term only used when referring to actual roadways.

6. Toy swords. Now, I am sure you may want to skip this item as you might think it may encourage violence. But let me tell you from personal experience...either you buy your boys swords or they will get creative. Boys and creativity are not always a good thing...so if you forgo store bought swords, just be prepared to use #4's last phrase OFTEN, if you get what I am sayin'.

7. Forget "What to Expect When You are Expecting" the only book you need to register for is How to make Bomb/Crashing/and Gun-Noises for Dummies. This is a MUST, ladies. If you cannot conquer these techniques you will lose credibility FOREVER. (I do offer classes for a small fee if you are interested.)

8. Botox. I know... interesting, right? But, trust me--it is to hide any trace of fear. Once they see your brow furrow over some reptile or bug they have brought in to "show" you...just know it will find a way into your sheets, or other random "SURPRISE--I SCARED MOM!" places. NEVER SHOW FEAR, Ladies!

9. Ear Plugs. Now I know you must be thinking the ear plugs will be for you, right? NOPE. These are for your precious little dude, or dudes. Why you ask? Let me explain that you will have days like this one, which will result in yelling that will reach a pitch only dogs can hear. And of course, as mothers, we DO want to protect our angel's little ears right?!

10. Personalized stationary. No, not with your name or fancy monogramed initials...but with the simple phrase "I am so sorry..." Check out a few times when this would have saved me a few pen strokes: the church germ incident, when pain is unintentionally inflicted on innocent bystanders, when they strip to their skivvies in public, or began one of the most traumatizing moment in not only your personal life, but also cause your neighbor to gouge out his eyes.

(Editors note: There has been a several hour delay to complete this blog due to the flashbacks of the most traumatizing moment. Apparently, I was found curled up in the fetal position mumbling something about "why? Why? WHY?!")

Anyway....

My final words of advise? Be prepared, have a plan, arm yourself! And be ready for the best time ever...I would not trade those dirty-faced little kisses, or the hugs that leave white powdered donut residue on my freshly dry cleaned black pants for the world! I am a PROUD mother of 4 wonderful boys.

I am sitting here in total awe how God works!  I am humbled to know how God has shown such provision over my children and me these past few weeks...even to the smallest of details!

I am so blessed by precious friends that have poured out encouragement and love to us! I wish that I could begin to write how thankful I am...how loved I feel...and how I praise God for all of my Keystone family.  Most people do not know the extent of how the boys and I are going through a life-change, but my friends did not seem to NEED to know the specifics, they just heard of a need of responded in a BIG way!  

I am overwhelmed with such a flood of positive emotion as I go over the events of this past weekend.  So many friends came to help me pack my house...over 20!  We had my entire house packed in less than 3 hours!!  One thing that struck me, is not one person acted like this was a chore, or something they felt obligated to do... everyone had such a spirit of celebration!  It was amazing!  So many details were taken care of... I cannot wait to tell you the whole story soon.  It is a miracle and just beyond words.  I am so, so blessed.  My heart is filled nothing but JOY.

God is SO good!

"As a result of your ministry, they will give glory to God.  For your generosity to them and to all believers will prove that you are obedient to the Good News of Christ.  And they will pray for you with deep affection because of the overflowing grace God has given to you.  Thank God for this gift too wonderful for words."  2 Corinthians 9:13-15

"Every time I think of you, I give thanks to my God." Philippians 1:3

An interview with my Aidan. (age 4)

I got this list from my friend Amanda's blog...I thought I would make a few changes, and post Aidan's responses!

1. What is something Mommy always says to you?
"Aidan clean up your room, and say yes ma'am" "oh, and don't pee in the outside, it's rude."

2. What makes Mommy happy?
Mommy is happy when I sing songs.

3. What makes Mommy sad?
When I don't help Shimmy (Jimmy!)

4. How does Mommy make you laugh?
When hers tells jokes...especially when the Monkey Crosses the Road. Its so funny.

5. What was Mommy like as a child?
She had a mommy.

6. How old is your Mommy?
She is really big, but no stripes. (I think he meant wrinkles!)

7. How tall is your Mommy?
Tall like a football player.

8. What is his favorite thing to do?
Go home.

9. What does Mommy do when you're not around?
Find some other people to be around. (he was quite proud of this answer and ended it with "...hmmm...not bad!")

10. If Mommy becomes famous, what will it be for?
Because she be beautiful!

11. What is Mommy really good at?
Good at computers and flushing the toilet. (I laughed, and then he said, "I know that is funny, but I know it! Yep!")

12. What is Mommy not very good at?
Fixing the roof, thats it.

13. What does Mommy do for a job?
Praying at church.

14.What is Mommy favorite food?
Salad

15.What makes you proud of Mommy?
Make the nice food at McDonalds.

16. If Mommy were a cartoon character, who would he be?
A race car because hers race to win and take the other cars down. (insert race car noises here)

17. What do you and Mommy do together?
I am thinking, I am thinking...we go places fun.

18. How are you and Mommy the same?
We have the same color shirts....hmmm I am getting smarter.

19. How are you and Mommy different?
We wear other shoes.

20. How do you know Mommy loves you?
Hugging me and says I love you so much.

21. What does Mommy friends like most about your mom?
They love hers because hers have a beautiful dress.

22. Where is Mommy favorite place to go?
A place that has salad...its called Walmart.

EVER WONDER??

Have you ever seen someone's shoe lying in the middle of the road, and wonder, "how in the world?!?!"

Well, wonder no more.

It seemed like we toured all of North Texas today while running errands before church.  I happen to see a red shoe in the middle of the road on 1709.  Thought in the moment, "how does someone lose a shoe IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD?!"  About an hour later, I drive past the same red shoe...and drive past it again on the way to church.

Trying to unload the boys, only to notice Jimmy wearing just ONE red shoe.

This is my life.

A 'brief' movie review

We are a family of routine.  We all have our certain way of doing things.  For instance:  every morning, Noah and I discuss the weather...then proceed to argue why we do not wear shorts when it is 30 degrees outside or a sweat shirt in the TEXES summer!    Another example is as soon as Caleb takes off his shoes (outside), his socks are to IMMEDIATELY go to the washing machine (please see "My Nose is on Strike" post for details).  Need one more example?  If you ever drop in for a surprise visit to my home, just know you will see Aidan wearing the bare minimum of required clothing (most of the times not even that!).  It is just our way...and I have never had a problem with any of this until TODAY.

I thought that I would be a good mother and take my little angels to the movies.  This is quite a task, might I add.  Popcorn arguments, candy arguments, drinks spilling as we walk, blah blah blah...  To get into the actual theater, I feel like I should go ahead and book my room in the insane asylum for the following day.  No kidding.

I get everyone seated and settled, only to turn around to see that Aidan has made himself quite at home--wearing nothing but Scooby Doo underwear.  I begin the talent of speaking through gritted teeth  all while still smiling (a skill mothers earn!) and Aidan quickly remedies the situation ... we  begin to settle in to watch the previews, as I start to catch my breath from counting backwards from 10.  Feeling that everything would be okay now, I am beginning to redeem my "Good Mother" feelings once again...I look at my children sitting happily munching on their munchies...sweet little Jimmy eating a hotdog.  Sigh...  life is good, until I remember one horrifying detail:

I. did. not. buy. hotdogs.

My New Blog Designs...

Just wanted to send a huge thank you and shout-out to my wonderful friend, Amanda, for her work on designing my new blog!  She even designed the title bar.  Don't you just LOVE it!?!?  I do!!  I am so thrilled!

I just thought while I was sending her a shout out, I would share my thoughts about her.  I am in a list mood today, so here we go again with another list!

1.  LOVE her blog.  It is profound, intelligent and filled with hope.  I sat and read her blog for like 12 hours straight.  It was like reading a novel on someone's life...it is AMAZING to see her journeys through life.

2.  I have massive respect for Amanda.  She carried herself with an air of grace that I have never seen out of anyone before.  I have such admiration for her...I really would aspire to be half the woman she is!

3.  What a writer!  What a gift God has given her!

4.  What a mother she is to her children!  

5.  Amanda is so compassionate.  I think she embodies the verse, Corinthians 1:4 to the fullest.  

6.  We are in the same CG, and I had shared a prayer request for one of my children.  OF COURSE when we started praying about it as a group, I got a little sniffly.  We hardly knew each other at this point, and in such a tender way, reached over and held my hand for the rest of the prayer.  Ugggg..the tears well up even as I type and remember that moment!  It was so caring and gentle...a sweet, sweet moment for me.  

7.  I am SO proud to call Amanda my friend.  She is one of those women that I know God has placed in my life for me to aspire to be like...

8.  Seriously, I think she posts the funniest FB comments.  So is so funny.

9.  She has a lot on her plate, but she is always calm and steady.  

10.  She once bought me a starbucks to work.  It was SO kind!  Made my week to know that someone thought of me.  Makes me smile now even thinking about it.  

I really am thankful for my friend, Amanda!!!

A day's worth of Honest Scrap

Wow!  So I guess since both my pals, Holly and Diane (BOHANNAN!!!!)  bestowed the Honesty Scrap award to me, I thought I would put a little spin on my second posting...  I will be honest about my day today!  

1.  I did not want to wake up this morning.  I am sure most people would agree with me on this one, but the honesty kicks in here:  I negotiate with myself.  I think things like this, "Okay, I will snooze until the next odd number ending in a 7."  Or one of my favorites, "I will just lay here until I reach a number that is prime while also even."  I know.  Craziness....and it doesn't help that I am trying to figure out numbers at 5:30 in the morning anyway!

2.  It AMAZES me that after much thought, efforts, organization, crying and screaming (on my part!)--there is always one child that cannot find his shoes, backpack, sock, toothbrush or underwear that has the pattern and preferred fit in the morning.  I feel like my eyes bulge out of my sockets every morning before 7:30.  I am totally not kidding.  But in my defense, try getting ready for work, getting the younger two ready for the nanny, older two ready for school, 4 lunches, 8 shoes, 80 teeth to brush, etc, etc, all by yourself every single day--and get to work before 8:00.  Not complaining...just saying!  (Side note:  it is always the same child that can never find his stuff too!) 

3.  I checked with Eric (my go-to-guy for spiritual questions) and he agreed that it is okay I do not do my devotional in the morning (see above for explanation!)   I should do it when I can give my best, and be open to what God is telling me through quiet time.  

4.  When I am at work I think I go into a zone.  Several people have commented on it...so sorry!  I get very serious and focused, and I forget to smile and be the fun person I can be.  I think I did this today...yikes!   Good thing everyone up there likes me anyway! 

5.  Okay...here is a good one.  Being very honest here.  Due to several bad ear infections, and also having 4 boys, I am slightly hard of hearing... especially when there is other noises other than what I focusing on.  Today, one of the guys was saying something to me, I totally couldn't hear what he was saying, so he said it again.  Still did not hear him.  So I just smiled and went and sat down at my desk.  He was probably asking me a question too.  sigh...

6.  Talked to Martha (wink wink) on the phone at work today...and I didn't rush the conversation either.  I have piles of work to do, but I took my 10 minutes and laughed and giggled and felt very happy.

7.  Once I leave the office at 3, it is non stop until bedtime.  I have no idea where the time goes.  It seems like this is a "non-time period."  It is the strangest thing.  It is the black hole of the day. 

8.   We went to Target to grab stuff to make dinner tonight.  We have a standard two-cart trips. One cart hold the little boys, the other cart holds the bread and stuff we are buying.  We have a crazy, crazy method of how we operate when in stores.  Very militant.  I guide the group, pushing the little boys, Noah follows me pushing the groceries, while Caleb helps steer Noah's cart when needed.  Today was different.  Caleb wanted to push the grocery cart.  I do not like change, but I was trying to be a good mother and easy going.  (I am NOT easy going, so I don't know why I bother trying!)  Let me just end this paragraph by telling you it REALLY hurts when the shopping cart runs into the back of your heal for the 10th time in 4 minutes.  why 4 minutes you ask?  After 4 minutes, Noah was back in charge of the grocery cart, and my eyes are bulging out of their sockets once again.

9.  I love my new SUV.  It has changed my life!!  I love the space!  But the funny thing is, now we have a whole extra row of seats, and all the boys still cram into the same row!  What's with that?!

10.  I really don't like sharing my drink.  All the boys always ask me for a sip of whatever I may be drinking at the time.  I always feel stingy for saying no...so I end up saying yes.  So what happens?!  When I go for a drink of MY drink it is always gone.  I am sitting here staring at an empty water bottle that I just opened.  I think my eyes are starting to bulge again...

You love me, you REALLY love me!

I won!  I won!  Thanks to Holly Peterson (www.holpertson.blogspot.com) bestowed this wonderful Honesty Blog award on me.  I am so excited....so here I go.  10 Honest Things about Me:

1.  I am so competitive.  We have discussed this before...but just to reiterate, I am crazy competitive.  In fact, when called Sandi to tell her about this "award"--I had to hurry up and post before she did!  And just to take it one step further in my honesty, when I saw that I was listed AFTER Kelly Jones (LOOOOVE HER!) I was secretly bothered...but at least I made the first line, right?

2.  I over think EVERYTHING. Just ask Eric Colquett.  I drive him nuts in the office...  

3.  I have a secret joy in driving Eric nuts in the office.  Bwahh-hahahaha......  (that is my evil laugh, could you tell?!)

4.  I love practical jokes.  love, love, love jokes.  Without naming names, I had a fake snake in the office and SOMEONE screamed like a girl.  Bwahh-hahahaha....

5.  I have a crazy fear of my children doing drugs...so I made them watch Intervention on A&E...yeah, I doubt they will ever do drugs.  Or even white tic tacs, because they look like drugs. 

6.  I get really nervous when people help me...or even offer to help.  If I accept the help, I cancel at the last minute 90% of the time.  But the Lord has put great friends in my life that don't really care if I am nervous.  They insist.  That, or Sandi will accept on my behalf.  Poor Rachel Bruce offered to take my boys to school on Fridays (my off day) so I could just stay at home with the little dudes.  I kept saying, "no, no no..."  and Sandi walked up mid-conversation, and said, "what in the world? " turns to Rachel and makes all the plans.  haha...

7.  I NEVER try  clothes on in the store. Ever. Why you ask?  don't ask. 

8.  I have an unhealthy love of makeup.   It's really bad, people...REALLY bad, I tell you.  In fact, I think I am going to start my own makeup review on my blog...because I have tried it all!

9.  Interesting fact:  I won first place in a photography contest in the state of Kentucky.  My photo hangs in the Cincinnati Airport.

10.  I pray for my children--I pray that God will be their center.  I pray that they will find and be confident in their purpose for Him.  I pray that they will know, and surrender themselves to the gifts God has given them.  

Great moment in my life...

I wish I had a way to even begin to tell you what a special moment and gift I received a few weeks ago. I had helped Brandon and Brian plan a trip to Washington D.C. for the series "Letters to the New President." I had mentioned to Brian that my father was buried in Arlington National Cemetery. Due to some family drama, my older brother and I have never gotten to see where our father is buried.

I was incredibly touched and honored when the guys came back from their incredibly busy trip and showed me some wonderful photos they took of my dad's grave. Poor Brandon, I had to literally run out of his office before I went into the ugly, squeaky cry. Seeing it, was so much more emotional that I had anticipated.

That following weekend, I was sitting in church, and watched the bumper for the series, and to my TOTAL shock, Brian (bless his heart) included my dad! My sister-in-law, Kylie, and my boys sitting with me, all looked at me and say, "That's it!" It was just such a full-circle God moment in my life. I cannot even begin to tell you the emotions that have swept over me...I feel that these leaders in my life, took care of me. I felt so touched that they loved me (in a sense) to give me a gift that is beyond description. I feel that God was saying to me, "I have you right where I want you. These leaders, this church, these people are your family."

The magnitude of what they gave to me I could never even begin to express. I have watched this video almost every single day since. My favorite part is after the grave is shown, the next clip is of two people, one who has their eyes covered. It chokes me up every time because it just seems so symbolic of my older brother and I.

**And just as a side-note, Kara Baggett (love her!) asked me the following weekend, if my Jimmy was named after my Dad, James.... I was so proud to say yes!